FULL CIRCLE... A ZERO??? HA

When does life come a full circle??? Rather what do we mean by full circle in life? The situations that life has taken me through in the past few months has forced me to sit today, right now and publish this article. It has become way too important for me to download my emotions in writing so that my mind is lighter.

FULL CIRCLE- can we call it circle of life or is that life takes us in circles once a while? While thinking about the conversation i had with my husband today afternoon, my mind started questioning me.. what is the gain in all this? Why am i putting myself through all the nonsense that i am facing right now..? Is there a universal right or wrong? Not that i am concluding that there isnt any, but the fact remains that how many people in life does one meet where wavelengths and thoughts match and are coherent.

"I will choose my partner in life" , this was a statement that i used to make to my parents; very often; as the realisation had dawned early on me, that my thought process, my principles and my behaviour has to be understood completely by my life partner. My biggest nightmare being, what if: these are not understood some day.... it is a web of questions in my mind... what if my better half stops relating to me??? Gosh! That could be the worst day/i might do something very drastic then...

Todays discussion and argument pertained to an act by someone i consider close... correction .. "considered close" and his opinion on the same. It is unfortunate that he cannot give me a direct opinion as he will never face the consequences of a direct talk. That leaves me in dire straits. I am always left to fight my battle/ take my decisions and lead to my conclusions. These are stress pills for life.. Woosh!! writing all this is making me tired.. imagine reading this and trying to assimilate it.... Impossible....

The story of inlaws and outlaws will always remain... the back stabbing and the fact crushing attitude is ever prevalent and am quite sure that the story will continue in generations to come. What surprises me is that when it comes to "IN" laws for own family members then acts change/ rules and laws change... HA! that is the irony of life and the biggest one of them all..

This understanding and truth will take time to seep into me.. and for me to accept it means i have to start reconsidering my relations to the people whom i have considered close to me in the past...

Let me wish myself luck as this journey will begin tonight...

Cheeni Kum... the right way to begin....

After a long long time, we decided to watch a movie together... "just the two of us" to spend quality time, relive some past emotions... and we required a movie which would be romantic, passionate, fun and above all have the importance of relationships in it, and a stroke of luck as one may term it.. we landed with a movie that gave us two hours and twenty minutes of love, passion and plain simple fun.

Should i term it a great movie or a good movie..??
It is while thinking about this ... i had a flash of a thought in my mind and i bumped into the vicious barrage of questions that my mind was waiting to throw on me. Did we find it a great movie because it was really an awesome one, or was it because that somewhere down the line there was a feeling within the two of us that we need time for ourselves. Is it this thought that ?made us enjoy the movie more passionately than ever???

Life is an alley of different emotions, instances and episodes. Though our nuptial did bind us into one, it soon got stranded with a whole lot of responsibilities that took us through some of the roughest patches of our lives.

Last night, we wanted to rekindle the emotions which had been buried by us somewhere in the course of time.. and "Cheeni Kum" was the right way to start it.

In all this it would be unfair not to give the artists the due for their work. Both AB and Tabu have done splendidly well and kudos to their acting the simple movie has turned out to be one to reckon with.

Let me end today by quoting a verse for my husband...from yet another epic of a movie Parineeta.. meaning married woman..

"saansein yeh teri hain
dhadkan bhi teri hain
jeevan yeh tera hua
tere hi choone se
tan man saja mera
hui main parineeta"

Life is a (P)itch... OOpss

Life is a pitch.. this is a book that i started today and while i was glancing at the pages i realised that there is somuch more to life than what we think it is... here i am forced to quote Shakespeare:

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
..................
Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

It is so true in todays world.. every one is a lone survivor.. and rightly said so..
What if the last scene as quoted by Shakespeare comes in ones life early.. too early that we are caught between the love to live and the urge to go.... ?? It is the worst phase of ones life..

Though i do not like to cavil about petty issues.. life is sometimes fraught with so many twists and turns that my mind feels like a crushed piece of paper. How does it feel to be let down so often by people whom you love, rather let me rephrase.. how would it feel if one were to be let down often by people whom we consider love us?? Love diminishes... (BAH) i guess everything diminishes into the last line of what Shakespeare says... life becomes sans everything..

Often i am engulfed with that thought - " Am i rotting/ dying from within" - i have my mind squeal out to me... "Not yet" - HAHAHAHA.. not yet.. that was the answer till yesterday.. today my mind squealed out me... "Dont know"
Though i am not sure of what my mind wanted to convey.. i am certain that some part of me is washed away today. It is too early to comment.. what i am "sans of" but am sure in days to come i shall realise it...

" All the world is a stage... and Life's a (P)itch where we play".... (P) or (B)... all seems true to me today.....

What should one answer when you are confronted with the question of “How are you?” When there is turmoil in the mind / pain in the body and sorrow in ones soul.. what should be the answer?? That is my question to my mind and I am probing for the answers…

It is very easy in life to pin point a mistake to some one else and feel successful about it and there are also times that whatever you have done.. to prove you are right… to understand a miscommunication.. one still feels lost and hopeless and tries to free oneself from the shackles of pain and anxiety… but alas I really doubt if in so much thought/ pain and sorrow.. one is ever successful to overcome these thoughts… in the end you feel like a mockery… you feel like a fool perched on a glorious throne of madness and chaos… that is how one often feels when you are let down by a dear one.... could be anybody...just anybody whom we conside close to our heart..

A simple communication/ a gross misunderstanding/ clashing egos and pain about ones future…. A bag of mixed emotions.. not from one side but from both the sides.. results in incoherent talks and discussions.. at the end of it all one feels.. is it really fruitful?

Some times the question of “what are living for ???” strikes more than once and at the end of a debacle.. my mind still does not have an answer and all effort looks futile…. What I fail to understand in all this is – how far have we progressed as humans..can one person be more far fetched in thought and action than an another?.. I fail to perceive such a situation because how much ever one contemplates to look beyond time .. if the other half.. bitter or better as you may term it… is not going to perceive like you.. the effort is futile and reduced to ash…

Incidents leave an imprint in the minds of those who value the right to their living in this world. As complicated as this may sound is how complicated a human mind works.. sometimes.. i wonder.. .. are we in this matrix of emotions and thoughts because we love it.. definitely not and may be yes....

Today my father.. my appus as we fondly call him is having half his mind on some issues which are eating him up... Was all his sacrifice worth it??? People stand up and talk to him because he has always believed that silence will do him good... Does silence really do good...

One side of my brain does want to believe that all this discussion is futile.. but just the other side wants to debate that not all battle is won with mere silence....

As i am trying to collate my expressions/ thoughts/ emotions.. just a line comes to my mind..
" What is life full of care.. we have no time to stand and stare"

With this closing thought.. i end my entourage at the moment.. with a promise that i shall be adding on it everyday....