Games of the Mind

Love, hate, cheat, trust, lies.. all are fragments of the small human mind. The phrase "small human mind" is an oxymoron as the human mind is not small, but can eventually end up thinking and acting so small that one starts wondering that the large mind is truly small.....

Relationships / feelings/ emotions are all part and parcel of the same mind matter that one tries to grab and never leave. In the midst of keeping and accumulating, we lose so many things that it is difficult to realise and the day the realisation dawns, it becomes difficult to accept and then the mode of depression sets in.

When any of us are in confused state of mind, we tend to try and find a soul mate, now how the soul mate wishes to respond is solely on that person, be it genuine or false/ but at that juncture one tends to totally trust that entity and a relationship is created. Some of these relations are very hard to explain, for these are relations whose foundation may be strong, but do not still know what direction the structure has to be built will always be in a state of flux.... The worry that will then always remain is that in the garb of building and maintaining, the relationship may just fall .... and this makes the human mind behave in an insecure way that is difficult to comprehend.

Have been writing on the human mind lately and this is the third part to the first two. Feelings/ emotions have been taking me on a roller coaster ride lately and in trying to untangle the knots and clarify my mind, the realisations that come are penned down in the blog. Am sure a lot of you will be able to synchronise and echo my thoughts..

In all this what we need to understand and tame is the mind, because once tamed, it is your slave otherwise it is a very dangerous proposition to be enslaved by the mind...

Think about it...

New lesson....

Trisha.. Trisha..... Trisha... my life is just Trisha and Trisha now.... today she did something really really splendid and i am amazed at the rate at which children learn and teach elders...

While watching TV, i generally hold Trisha towards me so that she does not get a chance to see the idiot box. However, i was watching the news and had my eyes glued to the TV. Our lady, was fiddling my T shirt, my earring, pulling my hair and scratching my ears too... I still managed to set my eyes on the TV.

The minute she realised that she is losing the game.... she does not shout or cry for attention, instead, she lifts herself up and tilts her head and looks straight into my eye, blocking the view of the TV... giving me that impish look that.... " do you realise that i am smarter" and then breaks into an amazingly beautiful smile...

She looked at me as if she realised what i was going through and as if she had taken it on herself to make me laugh.. and truly she managed it... When i tried to test her by looking otherways.. she followed me and kept looking straight into my eye and continued the impish smile....

Persistence pays... and i yielded....

Love you Trisha... you made my night...

The Duo

HAHAHAHAHAHA... laughter is the best medicine.... yes true, infact this has more meaning, if, in the course of life, one is able to laugh at oneself before anyone mocks at you. Thats when we have succeeded in living up to this saying..

I was trying to teach my daughter the same.. was trying stunts with the camera... and tried self clicking our snap together... and the result is--- the photo looks like an oil painting...

When i saw the snap again, all that came into my mind was that, this is a true fact of life as well... what ever we are, our lives are finally painted much in advance by a super power. Not that i want to give the super power a face or a structure.... but one thing is certain, if we try, we can help make a nice picture of the painting...

Sure that we make a great duo.. Trisha and myself.. there is a whole life ahead of us and we shall be best of friends.. that is one thing i am sure of... while taking this snap, i tried my best to urge Trisha to smile.. but she was way too perplexed with my endeavour, that she just chose to observe....Some day in the years to come, Trisha will also be able to laugh these days off.. when both of us looked like jokers to each other and helped each other bring a smile to our faces....

Life is a hope today, a hope for a better and peaceful tomorrow... a tomorrow where we will be able to sit along with each other and talk things over... laugh issues off and see the brighter side of what life has given us.....

In my last post, i had mentioned the human mind, this can be a corollary to the same as how one wishes to see life is nothing but a matter of mind and the clearer we are able to be, the better we will be able to project ourself and the faster we will be able to say HAHAHAHAHA and get on with life...

Truly... Cheeni Kum

Remember the movie that we went to rekindle and ignite the passion.... yeah.. right... cheeni kum... i was glad and happy that somewhere the right start is being made again.... now it is truly " cheeni kum" - a realisation that had been in my sub conscious mind that life is devoid of respect, dedication and value from the quarters one needs them the most.... the only difference being that today someone has stood up to it..

The feeling of referring to oneself as a third person is really interesting as you actually take yourself out of that person and see oneself.... Do all of us live lives or rather.. do all of us know what we want in life??? We tend to attribute everything to the human mind.. which is so abstract... have we understood the meaning of the so often used term??

This is the question that i ask myself today??? Is it a fragment of my thought and expression and a need to rekindle which made has made me feel the way i am feeling today?? .........." Thats a human mind" ... what does one mean by it... ???

Do the people who say it understand what a human mind is, or is a mere phrase which is used by the knowlegdeable and the nincompoops alike?? Not something that one would want to accept soon.. unless someone dwells and ponders on it. In all this there is truth in the fact that in any closely knit relation, if one heart bleeds, many others will bleed with it.. then does the human mind know how to react?? (Oopss... too heavy)

Let me answer that one... the phase of life that is on... feels like i am boiling on a hot pan.... know for certain that all close to me are also feeling the same way.. so how does the mind react, rather what is the role of the so common human mind?? The tempers run high....trying to establish peace... one just ends up in a lot of volcanic eruptions in the bargain....the fact remains- is it all really worth it

Not that my mode has changed to that of a cowardice.. "if one may call it so", but it is swinging between the modes of triumph and failure- it is okay if we feel only failure or only triumph but.... one of the worst emotions to face is "Knowing that you are victorious, triumph is at your door, but is veiled in failure..."

This blog.. inlaws and outlaws started when the human mind of certain in and out laws did not know how to behave and today .... we still dont know.... how this mind will react??

Unfortunately- all of us still want to believe that we know the human mind.. when in reality.. nobody does... we only want to know our emotions.....So where are we heading to as a human race????

A valid question to ponder on.. as far as the mind is concerned...

Shall definitely continue.. this... till then.. think!!!!

WOH DIN LAUTA DO....

The pitter patter rain on my balcony and the wet feeling under my feet took me back 20 years into one of the summer vacations that we had spent in Trivandrum. Trivandrum, now known as Thiruvananthapuram was our home town and every summer vacation we used to be there. Rains, no rains, the feeling of walking bare foot on the wet mud in the garden; the splendid endeavours of trying to be the mini hero amongst my friends and above all the hot maladus and boli that grandmom and mom used to prepare.

Seeing the water logging in front of our building, i could see the tiny priya run back into the house to fetch some newspaper... my sister used to then make boats out of them and we used to sail the boats in the water... WHAT FUN... PLAIN, SIMPLE Fun.. no strings attached. I long to get back to that life...

I could distinctly hear my granddad call out to me.. " Anga pogathey" , meaning, "dont go there" for fear that i might fall ill after getting wet in the rain. The only way i could appease grand dad was to say a yes, immediately back out, earn a good name and then ask him to buy a special plant for us.. it is called "Chodaku". Not many of us know that now. This plant has the flowers that fall out of the stem like small pitchers. One has to blow air into these pitchers and hold the tip of the flower tight and break the air in your palm or any other surface. The sound that it emanated was "SHHODAAKK" and hence the name...

Those days.. those days... "woh din kya the". The past comes back, especially when one knows that we cannot live those carefree lives again. Is this a fact that we yearn for things that we can never get??? Hope not. Because living in a dream is fatal especially if the dream falls flat on ones face...

When i sit back, relax over my hot cuppa tea, i sometimes feel like singing this to life:
" Kya se kya ho gaya ....bewafa .. " and here the one that is ditching us is life.. that we most lovingly hold on to...

Still.. i would end this post mentioning that.. Life is like MUSIC... We have to play on and am sure we will succeed at the end, even if there are pauses and slow numbers in the opera.

FULL CIRCLE... A ZERO??? HA

When does life come a full circle??? Rather what do we mean by full circle in life? The situations that life has taken me through in the past few months has forced me to sit today, right now and publish this article. It has become way too important for me to download my emotions in writing so that my mind is lighter.

FULL CIRCLE- can we call it circle of life or is that life takes us in circles once a while? While thinking about the conversation i had with my husband today afternoon, my mind started questioning me.. what is the gain in all this? Why am i putting myself through all the nonsense that i am facing right now..? Is there a universal right or wrong? Not that i am concluding that there isnt any, but the fact remains that how many people in life does one meet where wavelengths and thoughts match and are coherent.

"I will choose my partner in life" , this was a statement that i used to make to my parents; very often; as the realisation had dawned early on me, that my thought process, my principles and my behaviour has to be understood completely by my life partner. My biggest nightmare being, what if: these are not understood some day.... it is a web of questions in my mind... what if my better half stops relating to me??? Gosh! That could be the worst day/i might do something very drastic then...

Todays discussion and argument pertained to an act by someone i consider close... correction .. "considered close" and his opinion on the same. It is unfortunate that he cannot give me a direct opinion as he will never face the consequences of a direct talk. That leaves me in dire straits. I am always left to fight my battle/ take my decisions and lead to my conclusions. These are stress pills for life.. Woosh!! writing all this is making me tired.. imagine reading this and trying to assimilate it.... Impossible....

The story of inlaws and outlaws will always remain... the back stabbing and the fact crushing attitude is ever prevalent and am quite sure that the story will continue in generations to come. What surprises me is that when it comes to "IN" laws for own family members then acts change/ rules and laws change... HA! that is the irony of life and the biggest one of them all..

This understanding and truth will take time to seep into me.. and for me to accept it means i have to start reconsidering my relations to the people whom i have considered close to me in the past...

Let me wish myself luck as this journey will begin tonight...

Cheeni Kum... the right way to begin....

After a long long time, we decided to watch a movie together... "just the two of us" to spend quality time, relive some past emotions... and we required a movie which would be romantic, passionate, fun and above all have the importance of relationships in it, and a stroke of luck as one may term it.. we landed with a movie that gave us two hours and twenty minutes of love, passion and plain simple fun.

Should i term it a great movie or a good movie..??
It is while thinking about this ... i had a flash of a thought in my mind and i bumped into the vicious barrage of questions that my mind was waiting to throw on me. Did we find it a great movie because it was really an awesome one, or was it because that somewhere down the line there was a feeling within the two of us that we need time for ourselves. Is it this thought that ?made us enjoy the movie more passionately than ever???

Life is an alley of different emotions, instances and episodes. Though our nuptial did bind us into one, it soon got stranded with a whole lot of responsibilities that took us through some of the roughest patches of our lives.

Last night, we wanted to rekindle the emotions which had been buried by us somewhere in the course of time.. and "Cheeni Kum" was the right way to start it.

In all this it would be unfair not to give the artists the due for their work. Both AB and Tabu have done splendidly well and kudos to their acting the simple movie has turned out to be one to reckon with.

Let me end today by quoting a verse for my husband...from yet another epic of a movie Parineeta.. meaning married woman..

"saansein yeh teri hain
dhadkan bhi teri hain
jeevan yeh tera hua
tere hi choone se
tan man saja mera
hui main parineeta"